Holding On
by Blonde Pickle Mule
Summary: "I'm going to look after you. I promise." Freya looked up at him with her wide eyes and suddenly found she believed him. She trusted him. - Some snapshots of Freya and Merlin, a songfic to Broken by Lifehouse.


**Right, well...this is my first ever Merlin Fanfic, and I have no idea whether it's any good or not. I hope you enjoy it regardless though. The lyrics come from Broken, by Lifehouse. This is just some snapshots of Freya and Merlin. I do hope it's not too repetitive. **

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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"I'm not going anywhere." Merlin promised, a look of such sincerity on his face her heart nearly broke. "I'm going to look after you. I promise." Freya looked up at him with her wide eyes and suddenly found she believed him. She trusted him.

_The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight_

As she slept memories of the cage and the misery of being trapped there plagued her sleep. Merlin sat to the side and watched Freya shift, wishing he could do something more to ease her rest. He had no idea that just by being there, he was doing more for the girl than anyone else had in years._  
_

_Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time_

Merlin stood across from her the first time they were properly alone, and Freya's face was scrunched up in fear. Over the next few days her fear would soften into smiles and trust that warmed Merlin inside and out. Later he wished they'd had more time, time for Freya's expression to turn to one of happiness. He couldn't think of someone that deserved it more.

_I am here still waiting though I still have my doubts  
I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out_

At first he tried to simply hand her his jacket. He hadn't expected her to leap back into the corner, arms quickly wrapping round herself with obvious mistrust._ What had people done to her? _Slowly the warlock stepped forward again, pushing the material towards the girl gently. He wouldn't give up until she smiled.

_I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing_

Freya cried out in pain, straining against Merlin's arms. A dark red stain was spreading through his coat, warm against his forearms. Merlin tried hard not to panic. He couldn't loose her. He told her he'd look after her. He promised.

_With a broken heart that's still beating_

The next time he came she was crying in the corner, trying very hard not to let him see. Merlin wanted to hug her, but understood that probably wouldn't be the best idea if how she'd reacted to the coat was any indication. Instead he slowly coaxed Freya into the middle of the room, until finally the smile he'd been waiting for spread across her face.  
"I scare most people away." She admitted quietly, slipping another piece of bread into her mouth. Merlin smiled.  
"Well I'm not most people." Freya said nothing, but her smile became all the more brilliant.

_In the pain, there is healing,_

Flickering lights floated about their heads, a deep riveting orange. Freya stared them in wonder, the breath escaping her lungs in a flood. Merlin glanced at her as he held the tiny flames above the ground, pleased to see her relax. With a wave of his hand the flames were sent back to their candles and Freya smiled at him, full and beautiful. Merlin beamed back meeting her eyes properly. Candles held a special meaning after that.

_In your name I find meaning  
So I'm holding on, I'm holding on, I'm holding on_

The black haired boy held out a hand, silently begging with his bright blue eyes. Freya wasn't sure what made her do it, but she grasped his hand and without a moment's hesitation he pulled her from the cage.  
Then they ran. Freya shut her eyes in fear as her someone gave chase, and the hand that grasped hers was the only thing in the world. She held on tighter still as he led her through a myriad of tunnels. He was her lifeline, and she didn't even know his name.

_I'm barely holding on to you_

He turned to leave, with the promise he would be back in the morning. Freya shivered, pulling the strange boy's jacket further about herself. She watched him as he left, and at the last moment he poked his head back round the corner to grin at her, completely and utterly cheerful despite the fact he'd just defied the law and endangered his own life by helping her. Freya stared at the spot where his face had been for a long time after in amazement.

_I still see your reflection inside of my eyes_  
_That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life_

"You really don't realise how special you are, do you?" Merlin murmured, grasping Freya's hand as she sobbed her fears to him. Freya nearly choked on her next sob while whipping her head up to look at him. Special? Her? But Merlin was completely serious as always, and Freya felt emotion bubble up through her chest. What good deed had she done to deserve him?

_I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing_  
_With a broken heart that's still beating_

Gently, Merlin brushed the dark hair out of her face and gathered her into his arms, murmuring her name over and over. She was still there, only just, her tears worsening as she tried to apologise for what she was.  
"I'm so sorry, I didn't know how to tell you!" Merlin's heart completely broke for her, the girl who had simply been in the wrong place at the wrong time.

_In the pain, is there healing_

Slowly, Merlin leant in and kissed her softly, feeling a single tear well up and drip down his cheek. She never let go of his hand, leaning heavily on his shoulder, taking comfort in his warmth. They both pulled away and gazed at each other. Freya fancied there were stars in Merlin's eyes.

_In your name I find meaning_

Freya laughed, the sound rare but joyous. Merlin glanced sheepishly at the small red flower nestled in his palm. "At least it's the right colour." He muttered, rubbing the back of his neck. He offered the flower to her. "For you m'lady."  
Freya vowed to keep these memories with her always.

_So I'm holding on , I'm holding on, I'm holding on  
I'm barely holding on to you_

He reached over the small bundle of food and grasped Freya's hand tightly. She stared back at him with those dark eyes, so desperately haunted. Then her gaze dropped to the floor and to their hands, still clasped across the circle. Merlin suddenly felt self conscious, berating himself inside his head for being so forward. When he released her, Freya jerked forward and linked their hands once again, an utterly dependent expression on her face. Merlin looked up.

_The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone_

Merlin struggled to the water's edge with his precious burden nestled in his arms. As gently as he could he dropped to his knees, struggling not to cry. Even when she was dying Freya was beautiful. Her eyes were closed, but her chest still moved in it's unsteady, ragged rhythm. Merlin began to lay her across him, pressing his forehead to hers. Her eyelids fluttered open and she smiled weakly, staring at the lush green of the trees and the flat surface of the water.  
"You remembered."

_I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home_

She blinked, screwing up her eyes as another wave of pain enveloped her. Merlin felt his own face react as he fought tears.  
"There must be something I can do, some way to save you!" He couldn't accept that she was dying, not now when she was so close to being happy. Through her laboured breathing Freya looked up at him and rested a trembling palm on his cheek.  
"You've already saved me." She murmured, a smile slipping back onto her face despite her hoarse voice. "You made me feel loved." She said it so assuredly, so simply. Lost for words, Merlin grasped her hand.

_I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing_

He felt it the moment she left him. Her grip went slack and her eyes slid closed. Her rattled breathing stopped. Something broke inside the young warlock and salty tears dripped down his face, mingling with the rain. He pressed Freya's limp form to him as he shuddered and gasped with suppressed grief. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry I failed you." He choked, and found he could say no more. The rain continued to fall.

_With a broken heart that's still beating_

Merlin lay on his bed, arms wrapped around his pillow. He felt so helpless. His eyes looked almost black as he stared into space, the images and memories coming forward unbidden to the forefront of his mind.  
_...Freya accepted the flower with a watery smile, clutching it tight...  
_With a little cry Merlin tried to make himself to forget, shaking his head weakly, over and over. It hurt so much...While his eyes remained dark, they now glistened with tears.

_In the pain there is healing  
In your name I find meaning_

"Where's the druid girl?" Merlin didn't answer. If everything had worked out she would be far away with him, rid of the people who hunted her. Most importantly she would be with him, ready to share more special glances, to laugh with him and at him. To love him.  
"She's dead." It was the first time he'd said it out loud. Merlin's voice cracked and Gaius pulled him into a hug. Merlin cried.

_So I'm holding on, I'm holding on, I'm holding on,  
I'm barely holding on to you_

_I'm holding on, I'm holding on, I'm holding on,  
I'm barely holding on to you._

For nights after, Merlin dreamed.

_..."I promised you I'd look after you. And I will, no matter what." Freya clutched his hand tight within his, her tears soaking them both..._

_..."We're going to leave, you and me." He whispered, and then with a tender smile he kissed her, smiling against her lips when she kissed back..._

_...He held her in her pain, rocking backwards and forwards. "I'm never going to leave you Freya. I promise." She clung to him in response..._

From her place deep the lake, Freya dreamed too.

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**So...*coughs nervously* How did I do? Was it completely rubbish, was it ok? Please let me know how I did!**


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